Dirty balls

My mouse is seriously ticking me off. The cursor is moving with all the grace and smoothness of a ballet-dancing elephant. There's nothing more frustrating when you go to drag something and you just can't get it to move. There's only so much you can achieve with keyboard shortcuts! This would have to be the 8th mouse I've destroyed in 3 years. I don't know where I'm going wrong with my mouse parenting. I give you a nice mat to sleep on. I click gently. I clean your ball regularly. What more do you want from meeeeee?!!