Dances With Phone Companies

So Telstra can kiss my voluptuous arse this morning. I got my mobile bill and instead of the usual $22 fee (since I never make any bloody calls on it) it was for $60 and there was a call to some weirdo number lasting for an hour. This was on the day I was at Mum's place moving her Empire of Junk to her new house.

I was going to just pay it in my typically gutless fashion, but a colleague bullied me until I called up the Bill Enquiries. I was pleasantly surprised I only had to wait 25 minutes on hold. Then I got some cocky Victorian bloke who sounded 19 at the most and insisted I must have made the call. I was cool and calm and collected and explained that I had been moving house for my Fascist Mother™ on that day and have never made a mobile call longer for an hour in my life and YES it was turned off and NO it could not have dialled the number by accident BECAUSE you have to enter the freaking password before anyone can make a call.

After waiting on hold for another 15 minutes: "Well, we won't make you pay for the call, but we KNOW you did it and this is the one and only time you'll get credit so make sure it doesn't happen again," said the charming young man.

Crikey! Then he says to me, "Is your home phone with Telstra too?"

"No it's not."

"It's not? Really? Why not?"

"Because," I said most articulately, "Your international rates stink."

"Oh! But we have discounts and stuff now. I can put you through to someone to tell you about them..."

"I'm quite happy where I am thanks..."

"Oh come on! I just did you a favour! This is least you can do for me!" he huffed.

"FINE then, put me through!"

"You won't regret it!" he says. Then I slammed the phone down in his ear. So there.