Look what I got in the mail yesterday, kiddies! My grades from the French class.

Check out this mutant gerbra. It's got two thingies! Whatever you call the bit in the middle. That'll teach my mum to buy dodgy last-minute xmas gifts from Woolies!

Heh heh heh. I am going to have a grand old time with this. Don't click on the image if naughty words offend you.

Cack! I just found this sample of Lux Embrace Body Moisturiser and decided to slather it all over myself. Now I smell as if I have been sauteed in roses. Oh I stand corrected, it's actually "neroli and ylang ylang, to caress and pamper". Caress? More like smother. I think I will attract bees.

Look what James sent me! An authentic Radiohead bear sticker! Woo! :)

I just went up to the Woden Plaza with my sidekick E. Well, it's more like I am the sidekick. I am prone to being the one who tags along like a demented little puppy dog! Today asked me to come along because she wanted to tap into my "deviant mind". She was shopping for a Kris Kringle present for a party tommorrow night. You know how it goes - everyone buys a small gift and then you draw names out of a hat and everyone gets a random prezzie. She was looking at pretty boring stuff like chocolates and body lotions when somehow we ended up looking at the condoms in Big W. Can somebody tell me what the deal is with freaking flared condoms?

Anyway, I convinced her to get some of those. But we had to settle for boring old ribbed, since the only packet of flared babies had a big rip in the side of the box, as if some horny folks had decided to get down and dirty in the Homewares section. Then we got a pair of plastic handcuffs. And a big jar of Nutella. A nice red gift box to wack it all in a suddenly we had a slightly more imaginative KK gift. You know how you always end up buying gifts that you'd actually like yourself? Well. I dunno about this one.

I am having one of those idiotic laughing moments and it's bad because I am sitting here in front of my puter at work with red face and tears on my cheeks and going "hee hee hee". I am looking at that bloody 50 Greatest Moments In Simpsons History for the fifth time in the past couple of days and it still makes me laugh.

MR SPARKLE: [in Japanese, subtitled] I'm disrespectful to dirt. Can you see that I am serious? Out of my way, all of you. This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less?

WOMAN #1: What a brave corporate logo! I accept the challenge of Mr. Sparkle

WOMAN #2: Awesome power!

Hee hee.

You know when you get someone who's really hopeless at playing the piano but insists having a go? They stab randomly at the keys then stop and swear and say, "Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Lemme start again!"


And it's always some cliche of a tune that they're trying to play, like The Entertainer or Heart and Soul. They plink out a few bars before pausing again and pleading, "Hang on! This time, for sure!" It's a most irritating proccess.

A similar thing took place yesterday afternoon and almost drove me to insanity. Except it wasn't a little piano. It was bells. Big fat booming bells in the church tower across the street. I don't know who they let loose up there but they were bloody hopeless. It sounded like they'd dragged out the Old Standard Xmas Carols book and were determined to stay there until they could tug those bells to life.

BING BONG BING BONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG... Noel, Noel!... followed by a very long pause... I could just imagine someone shouting above the reverb, "Hang on! I'll get it right this time!"

I lay in bed with a pillow over my head trying to block out the discordant drone of Come All Ye Faithful and Silent Night. I'd never heard anything so dreadful and so bloody loud. At least with a talentless flautist you can jump and down on their flute until it shatters most delightfully. But there was no end to this din. I looked at the calendar and realised with a grumble that it's only the fourth of freaking December so there's a good many days left of amateur ding-donging Christmas carol action left. Urgh!

As DJ Bellringer really got down and funky with a bellowing interpretation of Rudolph The Rednose Reindeer, I thought about Hitchcock's Vertigo movie and the scene where Kim Novak goes sailing over the edge of the bell tower to her gruesome death. I bet she was a really crappy bell ringer and someone was trying to get some sleep.