The Spark

I wonder how the hell I got here. Every minute of the working day I feel like I am either going to cry, fall asleep, or throw my monitor out the window. I do not enjoy what I do. I don't give a flying fuck about your webpages. I don't know how I've managed to keep this job for so long because every day is a struggle. This geeky shit does not come naturally to me. It makes my brain hurt to think in a logical or technical kind of way. Everytime there's a problem I feel sick inside because I just don't know if I will have the knowledge to solve it. Worse still, I do not give a rats arse about the problem to begin with. I can't bring myself to care about a website or code or a computer or some techy shite. I come home from work every day feeling so numb and blank and my sister asks me how my day went and I can't remember what I did. All I want to do is sleep or cry. Feels like all the spark has fizzled out of me. I have a nice little salary with a nice big company and it's all very nice and secure so I shouldn't complain at all especially in the current climate but each day it feels like my spirit has deflated a little bit more.