Nervous Smash

Can you believe that tennis? I nearly had a little cry. I'm watching it again on Fox Sports. It's bloody amazing, I tells ya. Woo.

One bone I have to pick concerns the commentary of Pat "Has Been" Cash. Sure, you won Wimbledon in 1987 but that begs the question, whaddya done lately? Nothing but sit on your arse, blathering into the microphone, your pathetic commentary barely veiling your jealousy and contempt for the new generation of players. At one point Rafter pulled out an impressive smash to win a point, but no congratulations from Patty Cash: "Oh not one of his best smashes!" he says. "In fact one of the worst! It was a nervous little smash! But I guess it will have to do for today!"

I'll give YOU smash, Patty Cash. How's about we chain you up to the net and Ivanisevic serves some 307 km/h balls in your direction? Or if he's unavailable, I will just thrash you myself with a great big chequerboard headband.