This is what you get when you mess with us
I always thought Judge Judy couldn't be for real. I didn't think there could possibly be such a collection of deranged people all in the one place. That was before last Monday, when Operation Nail Those Bitches™ went to the courts.
Our hearing was scheduled for 10 o'clock, but we didn't realise that half a dozen other cases were also scheduled for 10 o'clock. Our nerves grew worse when we discovered were second last on the list. But we got to witness the very entertaining craziness of others. The first two cases hadn't been paying the rent and came up with all manner of excuses.
Then it was time for the main attraction, a guy who I'll refer to only as Mr. Crazy Bastard. His case was called, case number xx of 1999. Which meant he'd been in and out of the Tribunal for three years on the same matter. He was wearing a red baseball cap and clutched his car keys in one hand, and a bunch of papers and a bottle of orange juice in the other. He stood menacingly over the table, hands on hips.
"Sit down please, Mr. Crazy Bastard," the Tribunal Judge chick said.
"Do you have to sit down? Why do I have to sit down? I don't want to sit down."
"Sit down please!"
"FINE! Fiiiine." He yanked a chair out from under the table, plonking his keys and other paraphenalia down.
Over the next 45 minutes he attempted to explain why he hadn't been able to pay his rent. Quite simply, he just made no bloody sense at all. He didn't have any of the documents that proved his so-called case, firstly because his son or the dog had hidden it, and then because Those Bastards At Centrelink refused to give him another copy of it. Then he said his brother had borrowed his keycard so he couldn't withdraw the money to pay the rent. Then he told us about a conspiracy between ACT Housing and Centerlink to get him evicted.
"You're just not making any sense," the judge said, trying to hide her impatience and bewilderment.
"AND YOU ARE SMIRKING AT ME!" Mr. Crazy Bastard starting screaming at the ACT Housing lawyer across the room. "You give me no respect!"
"Be QUIET Mr. Crazy Bastard!"
"No! I will not be quiet! I have my right to be heard!"
"You only speak when I say you can speak."
"I want to speak NOW! I've got a VIDEO CAMERA! And PHOTOS! I have EVIDENCE! Don't think I won't call A Current Affair!"
During all this, he'd get up every five minutes or so, kicking the chair and cursing, saying "This is riduculous! You give me no respect!", picking up his keys and orange juice and papers with a great clatter, and heading for the door, before the Judge chick reminded him that if he left his eviction would still stand.
After his sixth aborted exit, Rhiannon nudged me wrote on her notepad, I think we're going to be juuuust fine.
Finally he left in a shower of muttered expletives, with the Judge still no closer to understanding what he was on about. And then it was our turn.
The Bitches didn't even bloody show up.
"Did you know the other party wasn't going to be represented?"
"We had no idea." We were all meek and innocent looking.
The Evil Agents sent the Tribunal a letter saying that since Evil Property Manager was on holidaysshe wouldn't appear, but they would let us break the lease.
"So that's that then, we have nothing to do here?" said the Judge Chick.
"Well actually..."
We had to be sworn in on the bibles and everything! That was fun. The whole truth and nothing but the truth! She asked us a lot of questions and we answered honestly, and she shook her head in all the right places. We could even hear the people behind us (waiting for their case) mumbling and rustling about what an evil pack of bitches our landlords were. Well that wasn't their exact words. But I did hear the rustling!
The Judge chick was so sympathetic and lovely, she said she understood how we felt, being a pet owner herself. She said there's no way they could have evicted us for keeping Harry there, but understood why we moved him considering the lease ends in August and that the owners threatened us. Finally she made her ruling. The lease ends on 20 March and now we have in print that we the tenants did nothing wrong in this matter and the agents ACTED UNLAWFULLY.
Those words were music to our ears. She even ordered them to pay $500 compensation towards our moving costs. They thought by not showing up at the Tribunal that the lease would end with no penalty. Instead they get a nice court order in the mail to say "You are officially unlawful bitches! Cough up!".
Split three ways it isn't much, but it's going to come in handy, given my piece of shit car and the cost of bond and the fact that our new place is going to be heaps more expensive.
Yes! We found a new place. That's why I didn't write about this sooner. I didn't want to write until I knew what was happening. I got the call about an hour ago and our application was accepted! We now have an apartment just 5 minutes walk from the CBD. It wasn't even the apartment we had our heart set on, it was just one I went to see last Thursday on a whim. I thought we had no chance as ten others applied for it, but the guy said he chose us coz he "had a good feeling" about us and liked that we were from the country! You can always trust a country kid, I tells ya.
I also saw Harry last Monday. He was walking along with his new Mum. Off the lead! He never went off the lead with me. Pout. He looked up and saw my car and leaped into the air. I got out and kneeled down to cuddle him, but he ran right by me and jumped into the car, running around the seats like a dickhead. Finally I managed to pin him down for a hug. He was all soft and I felt so teary. I've missed those hugs. Then Sarah (new mum) came over to chat, and since she had the leash he ignored me completely and chewed on the leash instead.
She was obviously totally smitten with him. She raved about how cute and funny he was, and how everyone he meets falls in love with him. He's been chasing birds around the yard, playing with the three Jack Russells next door, and doesn't bark at all. I was so jealous, he clearly looked so happy. And Sarah looked happy too. She then told us how she'd taken him for a walk to Lake Burley Griffin and he'd spotted a duck on the lake and ran right into the lake. It was a bit like Road Runner cartoons when the coyote runs off the edge of the cliff and keeps running then plunges down. Poor Harry had never been swimming in his whole life. And Burley Griffin is a murky, putrid, man-made lake, more like a big swimming pool, so it took twenty minutes of frantic harry-paddling before Sarah could coax him over to the edge and fish him out.
So Harry's happy with his new Mum. I was pouty that he didn't seem to be missing me much, but I guess that's the goldfish nature of his puny brain. He forgets you unless you're the one feeding him. But Sarah is lovely and said that we could come visit him anytime.
Things are finally looking up. All that shit was worth it just to finally Nail Those Bitches, to have it down officially that they screwed us and we did nothing wrong.
And thanks to you all for putting up with my chronic whingin' for the past seven weeks.
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*celebratory dancing in the wastelands of Canada*
YAY!
Happy for you, fabulous babe.
yay shauny! i'm so happy for you :) it just proves that your readers really were right when they told you that you'd be fine. i'm so glad you nailed them, and harry's happy :)
Glad to hear it ended fairly well. Incidentally Mr Crazy Bastard sounds like my evil twin. Remember what I said? You can act crazy as much as you like if they are going to evict you, because you will be evicted anyway so you can have some fun. You can turn up and tell them that the top of your house is a UFO landing strip and that's why The Health Department wants to evict you.
Cheers. BTW, if some individual were to buy you some of the stuff on your wishlist, would it still find you? Let me know!
I couldn't be happier for you, Shauny. This is the news I've been waiting to hear for so long!
Hurrah!
I'm glad things worked out. :)
Outstanding!!! Now wheres the ridiculously boozy celebration binge being held?!
:)
At last, a post full of exclamation marks -- the good kind! Good for you, toots; shit's coming up roses.
:-D Hooray! That's wonderful news! :-D
Congratulations, babe. Way to stick it to The Man. (or, I guess that in this case is was The Woman. Whatever)
Woohoo! Kickass, Shauny!
Congratulations! That's wonderful news. Just goes to show that timing is everything -- after Mr Crazy Bastard you probably looked like a saint. ("She's coherent! And respectful! Let's give her what she wants!")
Seriously, I'm glad that after the last few stressful weeks you got a happy ending.
Congratulations Shauny :). I'm really happy for you!
See? I told you everything would work out.
Yay!!!! *does happy dance*
Bitchin' yes! Go shout yrself a mango. :)
Kick ass, Shauny! w00t! yeh!
Yay! Unlawful evil bitches - heh - well done! And a happy Harry, and you've got a new place! But then you knew that. Er.
See, that week off helped us both - I'm glad that the advice I offered worked out or I'd be feelin might dumb right now & besides all that I'm happy that it's all resolved. So when're we having that coffee?
Yay ShaunY! *hugs* Good people don't stay down for long!
WTG Shauny!
yay!! i have a big smile on my face after reading this. well done!
I think I saw Mr. Crazy Bastard's sister on the tram today. She was this loud-voiced woman in her 30s or 40s, with a Mediterranean accent of some sort. She sat at the front of the tram, and at one point got up to harangue the driver about how she's supposed to be in the city by 2 and she'll be late because the tram is going too slowly. The driver replied calmly that if the tram deviates from the schedule, they get fined, and the tram is exactly on schedule. The woman wouldn't have a bar of it, claiming that the previous tram was early, which is why she missed it. The argument continued for a while, with her insisting increasingly loudly that it's absurd and unjust that it should take so long to get into the city (despite the fact that that's what the timetable says), she's going to be late and it's all the evil bastard tram driver's fault. He suggested that, if she's so concerned about haste, perhaps she take a taxi. "Give me the money and I'll take a taxi", was her reply.
You go girl!
Oh Shauna no one is more deserving of this coup than you. I am so happy it ended well. And the living sitch means no more evil hehehehe
Hooray for Shauny! Tomorrow night I'm going to have a big celebratory party for you at a local bar. OK, well, I'll go to the bar and lead a toast in your honor. How's that?
Yay Shauny! That's the best news that I've heard for ages.
Take care, sweetie. xxx
That's great news. Are you having a housewarming party?
As for Canberra sites, you want to do it? Although personally I'd prefer a clique to a webring.
Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. This means margarita madness over the weekend, surely. Chronic whingin'? Aw, shucks, it was nothin'.. I'm glad you beat those nasty bitches. Go Shauny! Go Shauny! Go Shauny!
Yippidy yo! So glad you socked it to 'em!
woo hoo! power to the little people! :-D
I can imagine it's usually landlords and agencies taking tenants to the tribunal, so I s'pect it made a nice change for them that the plaintiffs were tenants this time.
go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go shauny go
Congrats. I'm glad they have to help pay your moving costs. So you're taking Harry to your new home?
and they all lived happily ever after :)