FIRST COMMENT!

Buy the laptop. Leave it unplugged from the internet. Write on the bus, in cafes, etc., until you have written something Huge. Ignore this blog. Ignore these comments. Ignore my comments. Ignore the pitiful pleadings of those who comment after me begging you to post something less than Huge. And keep an eye on that outbox.

Now if only I could take my own advice...

gone on, you know you want to.

BUY THE LAPTOP

stuff guilt and all that silly learned crap- buy the laptop, write well and often, and you may write your way into a job ten squillion times better than not sending emails about inconsequential meetings. Or you may not, but at least you will be writing- so both outcomes are happier than the current situation.

want something = get it

why are you still reading this?? go obtain laptop. now.

Hmm. I just went cheap and got a Palm-clone. But you've got one of those, eh?

Incidentally, I've been getting the farm porn spam as well. What the fuck is with that?

Ohhh, Shauny, Shauny...

Sounds rather dreary, only allowing yourself to enjoy nice things if you've 'earned' them.

I spent a few years tending not to spend money on worthwhile things (useful things, things I could've justified buying) out of a sense of undeservedness. Instead, I'd waste the money on lots of little purchases (usually meals at Burger King), and end up feeling both a little better in the short term (the comfort food effect, I s'pose, combined with the convincing justification that 'we all need to eat'), but a little worse in the long term ('cause it was a little more money wasted, as I could've made myself something at home instead). Quite irrational of me, and I'd kind of beat myself up about it, in a long, drawn out, passive kind of way. And so it was a kind of vicious cycle.

But if I did spend money on something actually useful (like a somewhat needed computer part), I didn't really have that problem with it. I'd sometimes get suddenly struck with a great and awful feeling of irresponsibility, on the basis that such purchases surely couldn't be financially justified, but that was different. It wasn't a matter of whether or not I was entitled, but just whether or not it was financially acceptable.

But that's just me.

Buying a laptop so that you'll write with the freedom to write sounds like a good idea to me. There's the old cliche of writers who will only write on their favourite, beaten-up old typewriters, but as this is the twenty-first century, a nice, new laptop sounds like the thing to have. Maybe it is a little dorky, but that kind of dorkiness for a genuine writer (and a talented one) would, I think, actually have some kind of cool.

The cool, I think, is dependent not just on having a laptop just for writing, but more on downplaying it as being a bit dorky, or cliched, or whatever. It's the downplaying that turns it from just dorkily pretentiousness to cool. (Being a talented writer is, of course, also a requirement for it to be cool. But you've certainly already got that one covered!)

Irrational guilt aside (by which I don't mean I agree with your designation of yourself as a "fuckwit", but that I do understand how annoying it can be to be saddled with that kind of irrational guilt), there is the real issue of whether or not it's prudent to get a loan if your employment situation is still uncertain (how secure is your current deployment as a secretary type person?).

On the other hand, writing is something you love, and something you're damned good at. Buying a laptop to enable yourself to write would, it seems, be a good investment.

But I guess it depends on whether or not your guilt would then prevent you from being able to write. If it would, then it might be better to leave it until either you feel entitled to buy one, or you've resolved the underlying guilt issue in general. But if it wouldn't, then I think I'd be inclined to go ahead and make that purchase, make that investment.

(As for noticing that you've been showing signs of losing the plot a little, well, I had sort of noticed, but I've felt a little rebuffed, or something, when mentioning them ;-) )

But don't beat yourself up about torturing yourself. That would just be part of a self-compounding vicious cycle, wouldn't it? And if you're in need of a break from things like work, would it, perhaps, be an idea to take a week or two of accumulated leave and invest it in time off? (I use the word 'invest' in the hope that it would circumvent the potential entitlement guilt issue.)

As for missing Harry: :-( I'd suggest buying a laptop as some sort of compensatory thing, on the basis that you're entitled to nice things after that horrible saga with the evil agents. But nothing would replace Harry - he just wouldn't be so special if he could just be replaced.

:-(

Buy it, buy it! Life is short and uncertain; take what pleasures you can whenever you can. Remember, no one's last words EVER were, "I wish I'd spent more time at the office."

It's all about lifestyle accounting. I just spent $350 on a bike I could ill afford, as I am about to be unemployed in a couple of weeks. But, now I have a cost free (and enviro-friendly) form of transport, which will be very handy once I'm broke.

Get the laptop. You'll be glad you did. Especially if you end up in the same place as me (unemployed with bugger all to do) - you'll have plenty of time to write!

buy it now. you'll probably be able to combat the job-misery more successfully if you were writing happily in your spare time.

i work at a natural-foods grocery store to make ends meet while i'm in graduate school. the hours that i'm there suck royally, but i get to fill my spare time with things i like to do, that are fulfilling for me. if you don't get the laptop now, what are you doing in your non-work time to make yourself happy?

Anything worth doing is worth doing NOW!

Melanie's got a good point. How could you not be entitled to a lovely new laptop when you're doing a suck-arse job? Not to mention copious bubblebaths, and other nice things :-)

A very wise man I know frequently posts comments here and I'm surprised to see he hasn't weighed in on this topic yet. I know exactly what he would tell you. Partly because I know him so well I know what he's thinking even when his mind is blank. But also because it is the most sound advice.

BUY THE LAPTOP! DAMN THE TORPEDOES! FULL SPEED AHEAD! HE WHO HESITATES IS LOST!

You see, I too have spent a good portion of my life torturing myself with the "catholic guilt" thing you talk about. "If I wait until whenever I can have the whatever and not feel guilty" Instead I have a lot of good ideas and never act on them until it's too late and what I want is no longer practical, too trendy or out of stock. I had the idea to buy a suede jacket WAY before they became really big around here and didn't buy one because of a million stupid reasons and now I can't get one because everyone else did it first and all the good ones are gone and blah...blah...blah...

It's a waste of time and energy. If you buy the laptop you won't regret it for a minute and you know it.

OK, I'll chime in to:

BUY THE LAPTOP!

My sis gave me one for christmas, and it is sooooo awesome.

You deserve it.

I was a receptionist for a few years and I totally relate to hating that kind of work, it is so draining-especially insurance &**&%$## billing!!

Hang in there, sweetheart.

Have you bought it yet?

Wow - lots of pro buy-laptop rhetoric here. Just don't ask me, I not only have this element of Catholic guilt, I was brought up Catholic.

Hey look, Elvis!

My only concern in you getting a lap top now would be that you might owe some nasty big financial-type company money for said pooter, and get stuck in one of those yucky gazillion-year-gazillion-dollar contracty things, which suck, and take forever to get out of.

I personally think it would be more empowering to save the money (I know that's really, really, super-hard and it takes an iron will) and buy it outright, thusly saving your sanity, which of course said nasty company would probably damage if you owed them money.

I totally agree with what the others have said about wanting to do the important things now (after all, who wants to spend more time at the office?). Nurturing your creative spirit is an extremely valuable process, one that far too many people ignore or damage without really exploring it fully.

I think you have the smarts to work out the best option for you.

And about missing dogs: I miss mine too. I know where you are, on that one.

"Buy the laptop," says the peanut gallery? Now hold on a minute there, Tex.

The first thing you have to consider is what will get you writing the Huge Prodigious Startlingly Big Project faster: a laptop or time. Now a laptop is fine. It is dandy. It is nice. Hell, even I momentarily fell prey to the hype of the iBook last week, announcing to my roommate the possibility of buying one, only to return to my senses courtesy of several vigorous slaps to my cheeks and say to myself, "What the fuck are you doing, Ed? You're being seduced by evil marketing! The novel's progressing in the mornings just fine. Aside from geek chic, what in the hell do you need a laptop for? You've never had one or needed one before, you silly son of a bitch!"

Now I don't know what your writing routine is like, but what any writer pursuing a Huge Prodigious Startlingly Big Project needs above all is time: time to not only write but to rest and keep the mind a febrile and fecund monster. If that means waking up at an obscenely early hour and establishing a routine (look at the bags underneath my damned eyes, mama!), while attempting to maintain some rotting carapace of a social life, great. But if writing a Huge Prodigious Startlingly Big Project and getting it done involves time and temperament, then the true "man the torpedos! viva la revolucion!" approach would be to consider how you can live while you write the Huge Prodigious Startlingly Big Project and consider the computing resources you have in your hands right now to get you to the next level.

Of course, be forewarned: if you are indeed pursuing a Huge Prodigious Startlingly Big Project, when you get to the 25,000 word mark, it becomes more difficult to write.

But this decision, above all, seems to me a question of how you can live a better life. I can tell you without a whit of hesitation that a material object nor a tool distracting you from the real tool that rests firmly within your head is not the answer.

Catholic guilt?

Okay, let's get one fucking thing perfectly straight. Whether you buy the laptop or not, fertheloveofgod DO something nice for yourself. Many things, if need be. Blow an obscene sum on a dinner and eat every morsel. Go out with friends. Find a man whose willing to perform the macarena with you at the drop of a hat. Masturbate. You deserve it all. Whatever it takes to make you feel good about life and yourself, do it. If those soulless fuckers at the office are draining your joie de vivre, then get the fuck out of there! Let them find themselves some pod person who is willing to bob their head up and down in the interests of corporate fellatio!

Eventuated?

Ed - it's not a question of time, more a question of ergonomics. Well ergonomics isn't the word, but anyway.

My big PC is in our living room, where the television is, where we eat dinner, next to the kitchen... it's the only place the thing will fit, but it's just too much of a hive of activity for me to ever get anything done.

I like to hole up in my room and write, or go to the library, that's how I churned out 1600 words a day last November. I've tried to recapture that discipline sitting in the living room, but I end up watching telly instead. So yeah, I see your point but I do think I want to get the puter for the right reasons. It's time for an upgrade anyway.

As for corporate fellatio, i gotta pay the rent so i gotta keep bobbin up and down til i have another job to go to!

And Missjenjen - I am applying for a computer loan with my credit union which is very reasonable, and I paid off my car through them, so I know what to expect. I have given this a lot of thought and know I can afford it.

shauny - you know what i'm going to say, don't you? i'm going to say get thee to mac one where the geeks have yet to shave and they'll fall over themselves backwards to serve you. my old, huge ibm (which rather resembles the monolith out of 2001) was a blessing. people don't realise just how good a computer you can hurl into your bag can be. go to the national library and write. go to essen and write. when the weather ceases to be so bone-nibblingly cold sprawl out on the lawns of the botanic gardens and write there, too.

remember what mattay said. life is a raid leprechaun. carpe diem. a fish a day!

oh, yeah, and can i have a play when you've got it?

You can borrow my laptop in the interim if you like. It's older, it has Notepad, but it's totally portable.

I do know that there will *always* be another sale, so don't be seduced by the double memory gimmick.

And when you can afford it, we can both go to the Mac place (with Rachael) and get a 2 for one discount.

But never think you don't deserve it, cause you do!

I totally relate to your way of eating, by the way. I do that. Always with the yuckiest vegies first and then onto the good stuff.

Ahhh! Now, since you're figured it all out and aren't just rushing into it, I would say it's a good idea. I rarely regret buying something I've been mulling over for a while. Better still, with all these 802.11 networks springing up around the place - Canberra's got to be littered with them before too long, so with the appropriate doodad, wireless access, you can keep feeding us soulsuckers even whilst you're in the garden! mwuahahaha!

You are NOT a fuckwit, you stupid jerk!

Buy the fucking laptop and get a tiny little bit of joy from this piece of shit we call life. I'll be over on the weekend to sneer at it's apple-ness.

Buy the laptop. Nothing beats a good one. You'll thank yourself after, between scribbling something award-winning that will catapult you out of crappy job land.

Wow, I'm late getting here. :)

You should definitely get the laptop. Since you said in your comment that you can afford it, there's really no problem with it. You don't always need to have made an accomplishment to treat yourself to a present!

Besides, if writing makes you happy I can see nothing bad coming from this purchase. Writing in a busy living room with a T.V. is hell. I personally can't do it. It takes me about an hour to get 150 words down.

Get the laptop and you'll be able to write. Write and you'll feel happier and better about yourself (at least I do). Feel happier and better about yourself and you'll have high spirits for the job hunting.

It'll do you good. Laptops Are Fun. :)

if you really need something to do to make you feel like you deserve the laptop, try contributing to the weird threads of conversation that have grown on my webpage. I can't say anything intelligent in them but I sure have learnt a lot!

bizarre, i rationaliSe my food that way as well.

buy the laptop, make yourself happy and make it an iBook. honest.

trust me, i'm a nurse.

obviously, you will have bought the laptop by now. you can't ignore us. we are many.

seriously tho... it sounds like you need a boost in your life RIGHT NOW, and while it *could* be provided by the fact that i am coming to canberra and surrounding areas soon, that is more likely to terrify you. therefore, suggest you buy laptop. then you can hide by said lake and start o earn your well-deserved fortune.

go for it shauny. oh, and make sure you get a good deal and a guarantee. :)

There are somr really nice ink pens and hardcover blank notebooks around.
They don't weigh very much. either. Just thye shot for the next big literary burst.
I draw in mine.You can take them anywhere- the lake, the dinner table, the toilet-wherever inspiration strikes in fact.
You won't get onto the net with them though.
I think you deserve a plethora of wonderful rewards. You make me laugh almost every day, and nothing much else does.

Okay, so I was kidding about ignoring everyone else's comments. There are plenty of good ones there.

Ed is right about creating time to write, but I suspected from what you wrote that this was a Room of One's Own issue. And yes, a laptop is a great solution to that.

Of course, a ludditier soul might argue that a two dollar notebook from Clints (the paper kind) is a great solution, too. To which I would respond, hah! At some point you'll have to transcribe those 70,000 words from your two-dollar notebook(s) and into your computer, and that's about the most tedious task imaginable (apart from transcribing interviews from tape. Trust me on that one), and you'll never finish your book ever! And then the ludditier soul would look at me, er, you, in a withering pitying way, and say that you could have just bought the damn laptop, it's not like it's a Spinning Jenny or something.

Good Lord. I swear that I wrote all of that before seeing fifi's comments. I was of course responding to whatever inner demons drove me to draft my last Huge writing project in two-dollar notebooks without remembering that writers who used to do that also had access to secretaries who'd transcribe a hundred thousand words of spidery handwriting for tuppence ha'penny. If you want to write stuff that isn't intended for any sort of publication, go right ahead and use a blank notebook. But I, for one, hope that you write something Big, and that one day the world will get to see it.

Good luck whichever way you choose, Shauny.

buy, Buy, BUy, BUY!!!!

I have an IBM laptop thingie and I really like it. When my youngest son spent his first year in the hospital I took it with me every day and kept a journal. The great thing with laptops are the ease of use. You can write anywhere, anytime and it's SO much faster than long hand.

People seem to be trying to talk you into a Mac iBook but I'm not so inclined to agree. Not because I'm a PC guy, I have both a Mac and a PC at home and if all were equal I'd get a Mac, but sometimes things aren't that equal. Not only are Macs more expensive the software is MUCH more expensive as are most peripherals. I would go with the Mac only if you know a lot of other people who also have Macs. It's nice to be able to "borrow" software when you need it.

Anyway, I don't think you've mentioned Mac vs. PC so perhaps it's a moot point anyway.

I promise you this:

When you are sitting under a tree in a park with your toes in the sun and a cool drink by your side, typing away the afternoon, your only thought will be, "why did I take so long to do this?"

Oops...you southern hemisphere people are just getting into winter aren’t you...

...Well, when summer rolls around and your doing the aforementioned, you will be so removed from the money that you spent that you will only relish the joy of typing in the great outdoors.

Oh, one other thing…the great philosopher David Lee Roth once said. “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a boat and you can pull up next to happiness”

Perhaps this applies to laptops as well. :-)

With writing talent like yours, a computer is not toy, it's a tool. BUY the darn thing and write on girl!

could also be a tax deduction if you make money off your writing (assuming that the tax law on Oz are the same as for us Seppos).

me fail englich? that unpossible!

Out, out, damned wallet!

heheheh Slack you crack me up... quoting that great philosopher, david lee roth.

okay people, so i got my loan approved and i am getting me an ibook. yes ed, i am a victim of swanky marketing!

and surprisingly, it was heaps cheaper than getting a PC laptop. things have changed in appletown!

now i just have to wait for the loan to come through, should be sometime next week. i hate waiting! raaaaarrrr!

Yay for laptops!

I MEANT YOU'REI MEANT YOU'REI MEANT YOU'REI MEANT YOU'REI MEANT YOU'REI MEANT YOU'REI MEANT YOU'REI MEANT YOU'REI MEANT YOU'REI MEANT YOU'REI MEANT YOU'RE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was a simple mistake!!!!!!

*sob*

Hooray! Huzzah! :-D

FORTY THIRD COMMENT!

Hello this is Helen from "the other Marshes" of Swampy Hollow
I won't answer the laptop one because I agree with most of the other people and they've said it already.
It's Harry I'm concerned about because he is so lovely and I am so sad you no longer have him.
BUT
you said his new owner was nice...Why not ring her up and ask to be Harry's backup person for all holidays / sick periods etc etc etc?

That way he'd stay in your life. You never know - she might get a job O/S or something and if she didn't know you missed him so, she might pass him on to someone else!

45th Comment! WOOHOO!

now you're just being silly!

It sounds like Helen's idea might be a good one. Maybe you could even just give Harry a quick visit or something.

now you make me want an ibook! where was this special offer you refer to?

Yeah, I got a laptop for yeh right here girlie, girl.

Did you say it was an iMac? I don't know about those iMacs!

But yes, a laptop sounds like a good idea.

Perhaps the saddest thing about the responses to this post is that not one person has yet made mention of the carrots that Shauny referenced in the first two words. I personally believe that the carrot, an orange vegetable generally topped by a swatch of green vegetation that febrile farmers (those without tractors) are quite fond of pulling out from the top, concluding their Excaliburian cry with a wahoo, is the most important factor here.

It is now unquestionable that Shauny needs the laptop. But what of this potential aversion to carrots? Is she intimidated by salads collated with one too many carrots? Has she had a particularly horrifying experience involving stir fry in which the sauteed carrot, lingering in the wok not so punctiliously, has become a melancholy, softened mass, wholly unenjoyable and entirely bereft of its original hegira from soil to mouth to stomach?

Or perhaps what this all boils down to is Shauny's fear of the rabbit, known in folklore to enjoy carrots and possibly one of the initiators of the phrase "dangling carrot." If it is the rabbit that Shauny is indeed afraid of, then, like Rumsfeld's rhesus monkey incident of last week, it seems high time that we send a few larger rabbits Shauny's way to "beat the hell" out of the small rabbit that is causing her this putrescent anguish.

well thankyou for mentioning the carrots ed, i enjoyed your theories.

the only issue i have with carrots is that my mother craved them while she was pregnant with me. she ate them by the bagful. perhaps this is why i ended up a redhead and endured all those horrible redhead "carrot top! carrot top!" taunts as a child.

but otherwise, they are crunchy and delicious!