top noodle fun!! ;c)
- from an equally distracted diner!
- been doing a thorough trawl of ur site... but no pictures of your good self? how come? does the foodstuff always get there first! ;c)

only kidding, the site is fab! just want more, more, more!

I know all about being clumsy at a restaurant. But you should be fortunate that at least you have basic fashion skills. I'm utterly hopeless with the fork and, apparently, with basic donning of apparel.

I can top your story with an incident that ocurred to me JUST YESTERDAY. I went downtown to print off a bunch of shit, I took Tom with me. Hungry, we decided to hit an Indian restaurant in the area.

Now I could regale you with how hilarious it was to see Tom flummoxed by the strange priorities that Indian restaurants put upon serving you food and his subsequent cries (with a noticeably pained expression on his face) of "Are the chicken kabobs coming?" But I won't. Because compared to me, Tom was the best Victorian socialite that you could have ever encountered.

At one point, looking down at my food, I noticed that the top three buttons on my pullover shirt were not there. Or rather, they were there, but just not in the configuration I was accustomed to. I then realized that I had been wearing my shirt inside out for the whole day.

I told this to Tom, who came very close to announcing this in front of the entire restaurant.

"How did you do that?" he said.

"Well, when we left the house this morning, weren't we in a rush?"

There wasn't a bathroom in the place. And suddenly the horrific stares I had been getting all day made a good deal of sense.

With only the film Johns as an immediate reference, I went outside and fixed my shirt in an alleyway. I came back, thankful that Tom hadn't come outside to point his finger, McCarthy style, and shout, "Police! Public indecency! Pallor banned in the tri-county area!"

But now I'm going to offer the care of a febrile insurance adjuster even if I put on so much as a T-shirt.

As far as I'm concerned, Shauny, it's better to spill food upon your clothes, then to be so incompetent as to put on a shirt backwards in your late twenties.

You are so not alone. Is there a support group? I'm pretty infamous myself for "boob dribblage," as my friends like to call it, because always, everywhere I go, something will bloop on my shirt just over my boob region. It's a curse. I've given up on congratulating myself for a stain-free dining experience, because it always happens that the moment that I say something, a bit of goo will dribble on my bosom from somewhere.

But I think that the options -- other than that of instant non-clutzy poise -- are almost as embarassing. For instance, I happened to snap a darling picture at a Mexican chain restaurant a few weeks ago, and I unwittingly captured in the background a most cringeworthy sight. A woman, with makeshift bib, shamelessly chowing down. No, really: http://sagbottom.com/MT/images/backgroundbib.jpg

I'd rather have twenty blobs of salsa on my C-cup-region than just give up and wear a napkin bib.

you should petition some trendy fashion place to make "designer" bibs. i'm sure if hilfiger or hugo boss or something made a fancy one, it'd be all the rage in no time.

How about an old fart nurse like me? And for no extra charge (just in case I spill food on you) I'll throw in a free shower as well ;) Hell, I'll even dress you as well.

I have the same problem and am also so thick that I don't think ahead. The combination of a new white shirt and satay always seems like a good idea at the time.

Now we understand the depopulation of China, Japan, and the rest of the Orient: they try to eat those slippery little noodles with those slippery little chopsticks, their dates are repulsed --> no sex --> no future generations. I won't miss their cars much, but they do make some cool electronics...

Heh. I took mum and my grandpa out for dinner for mum's b'day on Friday night. (FWIW, I had the barramundi, which was grouse) At least grandpa stopped turning around at staring at the other diners once the food was served.

I've got a better story, Ed. Several years ago I was staying in a motel outside of Vegas and decided to go for an early evening swim. I was alone in the pool and surrounding area when I suddenly realized I had put my one-piece swimsuit on BACKWARDS. Don't ask me how, to this day I still don't know.

So I ducked under water, took the suit off, turned it right side out, and put it back on, looked above the surface of the water to see a family descending on me for a swim.

I never knew if they had seen me doing my 'quick-change' or not.

Shauny,

don't have kids!! If you're not leaking milk out of your breasts, the little angel is burping it back up on you. And don't get me started on toddlers...even if YOU don't eat, you still wear their lunch! Ick! heheh ;-)

I swear, that's what boobs were invented for. All these years they thought that men hunted and women gathered and really all we did was gather once a week, then pick the remnants of last night's dinner out of our leopard skin bikini tops for the rest of the week. We'd spend the gathering time watching oprah and bitching about Og's girlfriend's fat ass instead.

yeah i always thought i was a messy eater sometimes, but i really am thankful that i dont have breasts to make even more of a mess of myself after seeing what my poor girlfriend goes through

Every one of my tops has a damn oily stain between the boobs.

And I think that I was the one who pointed out the Wizz Fizz, but how could that be? I don't look at boobs.

:)

It could be suggested that the solution is to eat with confidence. After all, the smaller each forkload, the more forkloads there are to spill on yourself, and the longer each forkload takes, the more time there is for a spillage to occur.

But those who eat confidently without spillage have that lack of spillage as a basis for that confidence in the first place, which is where the suggestion becomes rather like the suggestion that someone lift themselves off the ground by pulling up on their own bootstraps.

The best one can do is to seek a balance where food spillage is a minimum.

Unless there are chopsticks around, 'cause then you can always try the old 'giving chopsticks a go, for fun' ploy. Food spillage then appears to be an aspect of the 'fun', cunningly disguising its true nature.

Or you could wear a second top over your top, which you then take off at the end of each meal, carefully fold (so that the food is all folded onto the inside, as it were), and stuff into your handbag.

True:
I brush my teeth each morning in my bra, because I *will* get toothpaste on my top, and then try and sponge it off, and think I've succeeeded but have to ride the bus with big leaky-breast wet patch on my front, which (by the time I get to work) dries into a crusty toothpaste drool mark.

True:
I have worn the same top into work inside out twice.

True:
I looked down while out at lunch with a co-worker only to discover that the middle three buttons of my blouse were gaping open.

And people wonder why I don't take my coat off inside.

At least you manage to stay vertical on a sidewalk. I have yet to perfect that.

re Whizz Fizz: did nobody offer to lick it off, neither?

Funny, because as I read this, I spilled chip crumbs down the front of my shirt. True, I don't have boobs, but hey, you gotta relate SOMEHOW!

I am forever getting stuff on me whilst eating, usually in the car. I really should stop eating en route to work ... ;)

Grrr

I hate those indulgent indignant entries where people address their audience as if there's just hordes of deranged fans out there panting with anticipation and actually giving a shit. But today, what the hell.

If I choose to use MY webspace to vent about my job hunting troubles or lack of concert tickets, I am allowed to do so. If you're tired of it, how bout you just stop reading instead of telling me what I should or shouldn't write? That kind of crap really takes away a big chunk of any enjoyment I get from this caper.

I'm not good at talking about things to people, so I like to write to get things off my chest. If you don't like it, how does SCREW YOU sound? I'll get back to "quality" when I'm good and ready.

Tuesday, 23 July 2002 |
You left no place to comment on this blog...but I wanted to tell you I find your blog both interesting and diverting without being pretentious or boring or judgemental...Go Shauny!

Now, if you decide to delete that entry, you'll have to do some extra work in these comments.

Rock on Shauny.

I spilt somthing on my frount before going to choir. I thought that seeing we were all friends that no one would say anything. Wrong! All night people commented about my distracting stain. Now I look before I go. Usually I eat at home and my family laugh at me.

i have a permanent spaghetti stain on my blouse. any blouse i own... that's why black skivvies are so good.

I'm with Rowf and Chrissy (well, not personally/physically, more's the pity *g*). Go Shaunybear!

By the by, what the hell were you talking about? :-)

RE: Tues 23 July entry:

We really like what you talk about here shauny. so never fear, whinge away if you so please...

... I reckon you should've threatened to STOP wnp? - you would've gotten a response then : )

There's a silly Canadian faux-Marxist I've been trolling because she post hateful things about the United States on her blog. She uses the same argument about *her* webspace (although *her* site is hosted for free by a company here in the US) and I have pointed out that it is disingenuous to provide a "comment" feature but then delete comments with which she does not agree, since she is representing her goal as the discussion of political issues. Since your site does not claim to be any sort of forum and especially since you host it at your own expense I believe that you should certainly delete anything that does not serve your goals. It is painful to see you forced to present a big "f.o." to presumably a bunch of twats who think they know better than you what you should do with your time and bandwidth -- what is it about blogs that makes so many people think they're editors? Do they think it's just so damn easy to do this that anyone who doesn't please them ideally at all times needs advice?
YOU SHOULD HAVE A CAM AND ALSO SOME PICTURES OF DEAD PEOPLE OR SPYCAM UPSKIRT DORM PHOTOS PLUS BRITNEY NUDE. MORE STUFF ABOUT YOUR CAR AND SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR JOB AND YOUR MOM IS FUNNY BUT I DONT LIKE YOUR SISTER BUT I LIKE THE STORIES WHEN YOU GO OUT TO EAT. PLUS YOU SHOULD TALK DIRTY MORE AND FOR SURE START BLOGGING EVERY DAY

your site is wonderful no matter what you write. we come here for your personality.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm here for the Shaunyrific wonderfullness that makes my day complete. I love you, Shauny! I have no criticism of your blog whatsoever! I do have something not-nice to say about those who would be so presumptuous and pretentious as to think they have any sort of right to tell you what to write about. The Shauny Genius should NEVER be tampered with, no sir, under no conditions.

So there.

I've only just started coming here and i love it already. From the sound of it someone thinks these posts aren't good enough, all i can say is i wish my posts were as good as these.

Keep up the good work shauny :)

I don't have boobs and I still have that problem...mind you I'd be worse if I did, what with playing with them all the time....

By the way, I'm refraining from commenting on the latest entry, simply because I've got nothing new to say, eveyone else has already said it....(Although I will reiterate that you rock and no punk is gonna tell me otherwise!)

laksa being a singaporean food so i thought i'd comment...:)

you're never to eat laksa with a white shirt. better still, get yourself a bib made up of wads of tissue. we have stalls here that serve laksa with a spoon only - they cut the noodles into bite size bits (for good reason).

Christ, I'm glad I'm not the only one. My lover jokes that I should bring a change of clothes when we eat out. It's only funny because he's just as bad. I have a friend who can eat a taco on a first date and exit pristine, though, the lucky bitch. How do that do that? Is there like some sort of class or something? I wanna go.

WOOHAAHAA!!