*looks down at penis*.

i now christen you ralph. may god be with you, and you experience plenty in this world.

You know, I'd nearly forgotten about that book. All the boys in yr 7 would try to borrow the girls' copies.

I don't know if any of them ever went on to name their member Ralph.

Cmon.. everybody knows it's called Russel.

Russel the lurrrve muscle... I crack me up.

There's something strange about a man naming his pecker.

(Well, maybe Willy.)

now how on earth did i go through my childhood and manage to miss this book?

-- signed, the girl who met ralph but called him dick

My first boyfriend named his penis the "DeVirginizer 2000" -- sure lived up to its name, the pervert. Anyway, it was called "DV" for short. Pun intended.

First, I remember that book. And I have to agree with Eeksy-Peeksy on this noe; I do think there's something weird about a man (or anyone, really) naming a prick. I mean, it's a piece, not a person, folks. Do you think people who name genitalia talk to them? Or like maybe their lovers do? Creepy.

Of course, I once knew a man who named his "Reuben", although I don't know why. I also knew a boy who named his penis "Thumper", which was oddly endearing and amusing.

Anyways. To be really wrong, and take it to eleven, maybe they chose "Ralph" because of what it does, at the end of an act? Because if a penis is an individual with a name, certainly at the end of the fun, it's "ralphing".

It's gross, I know, but that's what I always figured Judy Blume meant. Which is probably more my sick mind than any intentional thought by Ms. Blume.

I like "Thumper." I do.

Ralph is something I do when I've had too much to drink. Ahem.

My member is anonymous. I s'pose that makes it implicitly a private member. But of course, just because it's a private member, it doesn't mean it can't be passed to the outside world and manipulated by nonmembers.

This all suggests the use of encapsulation, of course. And use of encapsulation is good practice. Used properly, encapsulation can help deal with problems of unwanted leaks and other undesireable side effects, some of which may be hard to predict. It also helps keep things nice and clean.

Without encapsulation, one has to face and deal with stuff of internal origins rather directly, which can be messy. Lack of encapsulation is a notorious source of errors. The consequences of ignoring encapsulation may even be fatal, and could easily be unwittingly propagated.

In other words, use of encapsulation frees people from having to take more disciplined, restrained approaches to avoiding unwanted side effects of various kinds, and also allows people to keep intimate details, that others don't need to know about, safely private.

To sum up this digression: safe sex and good programming practice are the same thing.

Oh I remember Forever. It was on page 87 - or maybe 78 - that they, um, *did it*.

I remember girls passing the book round in class, or sequentially borrowing the single well-thumbed copy from the local library (according to a strict unwritten rota determined by Sharon Taylor in 3B) and saying to each other, knowingly, "page seventy-eight," with a sage nod, as if this would reveal the secrets of womanhood.

my boyfriend's penis is named Captain Smiley, but I'm the one who named it.

he (the Captain) sort of had a run-in with a permanent marker while the boyfriend was sleeping.

i never got to 'forever' but used to obsessively read 'are you there god? it's me, margaret'.

i must,
i must,
i must increase my bust!

hee hee! the Pre Teen Sensations! Damn that book for making us think getting your period was gonna be GOOD when in fact it is purest hell.

I think the really steamy sceme started on page 101, where it starts when there is a poster of a kid spelling F-U-C-K with his alphabet soup.

My mum bought that book for me when I was in 6th grade (10 yrs old.) Haha! A few years later I had to buy another copy when the first one got permanently borrowed.

But I think it's totally odd to name a prick, in fact I think it's weird even when guys call it 'he' and not 'it'. I mean, really.

Oh, it's page 104. Yes, I still own it!

:D

I believe that Gordon is a good name. however I like refer to mine as Richard. Don't ask me why. Someone told me that Richard off Caroline in the City looked like a penis. So we both refered to our members as Richard.

I don't know about anyone else, but I did those "I must increase my bust!" exercise things obsessively and I now sport a DDD rack. You see, girls? Hard work CAN pay off!

The Adventures of Captain Smiley remind me of Red Dwarf (as many things do).

"When his roommate has had a touch too much claret and fallen asleep, naked on his bunk, a friend would not take a photograph of his snoozing todger, draw a moustache and eyes on it, and post it on the ship's bulletin board with the caption 'Have you seen this man, believed to be a French movie star?'"
"As if your todger could pass as a French movie star! It's way too good looking!"

my god, I remember that book. The school library copy went missing; presumed dead and we all had to borrow it off someone else in class in a rota. And the guys in class used to try steal it off us. :g:

He named it Ralph. bwhahaha. I'd completely forgotten that.

Heh. I've never heard of it. That must mean I'm young and innocent still.

We name them 'cause inside those little heads are tiny personalities comprising generous measures of stubbornness, contrariness, uncooperativeness and, above all, single-mindedness. They entice us to go where we ought not go and do what we should not do. And - woe! - we are often weak.

Much as I dislike Bill Clinton as a man and a politician, I do have to give him snaps for naming his troublemaker Willard. When asked why he chose that monniker, he replied, "Because it's longer than Willie."

I note mb's reference to a DDD rack. Why is it that things progress A-B-C-D and then kinda hang up. I would think mb should be, like, an F.

And how exactly do women (and undergarment manufacturers) decide where the break points between the various sizes are? Height? Circumference? Some volumetric measure like cc's, handfuls or gallons? Or are there some metric standard mannikins in some remote room at the Bureau of Measures ?

judy blume took a lot of work off my parents' hands.

I buried my copy of 'Forever' along with 75p and a beret with buttons sewn onto it in a biscuit tin in my childhood back garden.

That 75p will come in very handy for my therapy should I ever come across (haw haw) a man who names his cock

(Your hair looks nice)

I remember having to WAIT for my mother to sign a permission slip for me to borrow forever from the library. -It was in the adult section, see? The bonus was that there was a whole bunch of OTHER books in there that were far more explicit.

If I had a penis I'd name him Zorg Thrustor. Or something equally space-tyranty.

ha ha. forever = year seven camp reading the sex bit out loud on the bus all the way along the great ocean road. the PE teacher behind the wheel nearly driving into the ocean

he he

Cup sizes are one of those things in women's fashion that makes no sense. It has something to do with the ratio of the circumference of the widest part of the bust to the underside, where it's just the ribcage. And I personally prefer being a triple D as opposed to an F. The one thing I really don't want to see on my bra's tag is a big red failing grade with a 36 in front of it.

I've been itching to re-read all the Judy Blume greats for a while now--that's something I should do with the last remaining shreds of my summer. I bought my copy of Forever from the used-books sale at the library for a nickel, and I probably still have it somewhere in the depths of one of my bookshelves in my old bedroom. I distinctly remember reading, re-reading, and sharing the sexy bits with various friends. I think I managed to read the whole book a couple of times, but the sexy bits kept me coming back.

Did anyone else manage to discover Judy Blume's Wifey as a pre-teen? I remember when the neighbor girl found it on her mom's bookshelf and shared it with her younger sister (my best friend at the time) and me. I still joke that much of my early sex education came from Jackie Collins novels, a battered paperback called The Sensuous Woman, by J that I found in my parents' basement, and Wifey by Judy Blume.

I forgot--the best penis nickname ever: Vlad the Impaler.

I take full responsiblity for that one. I was going through my "gothic/industrial" phase and was fascinated by vampires. The owner of the penis loved it. He probably still calls it by that name.

Hey, do any of you ladies with big busts out there name yours? A couple months ago a friend of mine refered to hers as "orlando" and "bloom". Just on the off chance, she says...

I'd name mine if I didn't feel silly about naming two bumps on a stick, if you know what I mean.

Nanette, I did! I read that when I was much younger than the intended audience and I loved it! I also loved Smart Women.

One thing I remember distinctly about Forever is that Katherine was about to put aftershave on Ralph at Michael's request, and then at the last second he told her not to. Stings, you see. I'm going to need to dig up a copy of that...I miss that book!

Was probably better than that fucking Fudge series.

Just to wade in the fray here, my private member has been blessed with the moniker "Harry". And no, it wasn't by me, I believe it was referred to as such by a girl at some time, and the name has stuck. In fact, the whole set is referred to as "Harry and the boys". And, of course, her breats were known as "the girls", though to be fair, they were referred to as such by me.

Perhaps a little too much personalisation for everyone, but there you go.

Australian tits? Congratulations!

Michael was going to put aftershave on his balls. And I read The Sensuous Woman, too. Hahaha!

Lefty and Samantha. From right to left.

"The Sensuous Woman"--a copy of that book from its original print run in the seventies was my mother's engagement present to me. I'm afraid. But, it is a useful little tome.

If you're a progressive in America having to answer to every pesky varmint over a voting decision made two years ago, Ralph's the wrong name for one's John Thomas (assuming, of course, the dick in question isn't a Ralph Thomas or, even worse, a Marlo Thomas). If every penis was named Ralph, this would cause confusion for the fetishist looking to say the words, "Ralph, fire off the 10cc batallions whenever you want. It's Miller time!" shortly before the 1-2 teaspoons made the inevitable 28mph pilgrimage from vas deferens to the inner sanctum of a well-oiled throat.

With the name Ralph, the penis afficianado would expect a certain conformity in look and approach. For men who simply cannot get their sausages to rise beyond two inches (a fact withheld from locker rooms and handled with discretion with a lover, often with a signed affadavit, lest this unmanly revelation be disseminated into the world), they would consider the name Ralph to be a sobriquet that discomforts further.

It's nice to be reminded that Judy Blume had the wherewithal to name penises. But what she DIDN'T do in "Forever" is consider how such a name would affect a short penised man's self-esteem, already running on empty for at least 25 years before discovering the mighty mantra "It ain't how big it is! It's how you use it." That she introduced the name "Ralph" in a children's book no less was a considerably more unscurpulous decision.

To atone for Ms. Blume's mistake, I propose the following taxonomy for men under 25.

Ralph: 6 inches or longer. After all, if it's that big, they're probably as much of an asshole as Ron Jeremy is.

Phil: 4-5 inches. Somewhat less hostile than Ralph and rather nice actually.

Sly: 2-4 inches. This name may not impress a lady so much, but the Rambo/Rocky associations might just help the slightly short penised man to get over that debilitating hump.

Enrique: Less than 2 inches. Because one needs a bit of a boost, namewise really, if a penis is the size of a pig in a blanket.

enrique... hm. You know, all penises should have spanish sounding names. Jorje. Julio. Guido. Jesus. Bimaldo.

no, wait, that's just creepy. Nevermind. I just like the name Enrique. Reminds me of that Eglasias (how I wish I could spell) fellow.

ew!!! i just got a hot flash as i remembered that book. hideous!

while we're at it why dont we whine about having to wear a 'belt' ...

eh?

My penis is removable and at one time I did name it, but now it's just Anonymous (or is that Androgenous). Wrote a recent blog about this, has anyone written a book about those names yet? I prefer the Dude to Ralph. Are those Richards a more formal version of Dick?

okay, i read that book and didn't pick that up... no wonder its banned to read on that book list i saw

I found this site while confirming the fact that john thomas is a nickname for the junk.....which is what a friend of mine named her son. (not junk!) Very good reading.