Sometime during a three hour nap this arvo, I was being held hostage in a 24-type situation. There were dozens of other hostages, all us of in high school uniforms.

We were being herded to a new location. From the corner of my eye, I saw that Nina chick destroying our previous prison. Literally. She was carrying it plank by plank, window by window, to this giant woodchipping machine. It spewed out the other end as sawdust.

NINA: No one will ever know we were here.

SHAUNY: [To my sister] See I told you she was the bad egg. It was so obvious.

We were shoved into a barn, just like on the stupid show. People were moaning and panicking but the calm ones among us were plotting escape. We all had cellphones and were furiously text-messaging ideas. We'd meet each others eyes across the crowded barn and nod gravely.

S: Stay calm everyone. I'm going to get us out of here. I just have to narrow my eyes and think like Kiefer Sutherland.

Next thing some big tough guys barged in and hauled me and three others out into the blinding sunlight. He made us kneel in the dust with our hands behind our heads.

S: Oh. This is where they are gonna shoot us but someone foils their plans just in time.

BIG TOUGH GUYS: Be quiet, the trained killer will be here shortly.

The trained killer turned out to be none other than George W. Bush. But in the dream he had been somehow morphed with Yosemite Sam. He was wearing a check shirt and extremely tight jeans, but had Yosemite's huge hat and pair of pistols. We talked briefly, then I woke up:

DUBYA: Ahhh'm gonna kill yew.

S: Yeah yeah, that's your answer to everything, isn't it?

D: HEY. Watch it. I have weapons.

S: So you keep saying.

D: Don't talk to me like that little lady. [Twirls pistols]

S: Oh you look so cool doing that. You should have your picture taken for your next campaign.

D: [Twirls again] I do look pretty cool, don't I.

S: Not really.

D: Shut up and say your prayers, varmint. No one's gonna save you. Not even Kiefer Sutherland.