Long Distance Call

What happens when your mother is a drama queen AND a hardcore fan of vapid confections like 7th Heaven, Touched By An Angel and Oprah? She breaks sad news in a way that would make Michael Landon proud.

MOTHERSHIP:  Shauna! This is The Mother.
SHAUNA:  Hi.
M:  Poppy's left just left us.
S:  Ohh Mum.
M:  I'm at the hospital, sitting here at his bedside.
S:  Okay.
M:  Do you want to say something to him? He's right here.
S:  Umm... what?
M:  Hey, I will hold the phone out right now and you can talk to him.
S:  Mother, did you not just tell me he's no longer with us?
M:  Yes! But I am sure he can hear you!
S:  ...
M:  Speak up, girl. I can't hear you!
S:  Well neither can he!
M:  What? Say something!
S:  Christ! Okay... Helloooo?

Five minutes later

MOTHERSHIP:  Rhiannon! This is The Mother.
RHIANNON:  What's happening?
M:  It's not good.
R:  Yes?
M:  Poppy is... [dramatic pause, voice low and pious] ... resting with the angels now.
R:  I see. So are you okay? Is anyone there with you?
M:  No... [long pause] It's just you, me, and Poppy.

| | | Comments (19)

 

Comments

1 · ctrent said:

i'm sorry shauny... of course, i'm also laughing... which helps

2 · kathryn said:

that is strange alright. I am sorry to hear about your grandfather, but that is really strange.

3 · Kristen said:

you mother is a treasure.

4 · shauny said:

i decided to put this one back up. it's a little weird but then again, that's the mothership for ya! :)

5 · the matt cave people said:

ohhh, shauny... that is pure mothership right there.

we're thinkin' of you, pumpkin.

6 · steve said:

She really calls herself "The Mother?" Gotta love it.

7 · Row said:

Oh I missed this one before. I'm glad to see you are finding some humour in it, it'll keep you sane :)

8 · momo said:

oh, you poor baby. and your poor mama! yes, it is very bizarre, but people have different ways with dealing with things, and that's okay.

my mother has told me months later that great-aunts and uncles of mine have died (i know that is nothing like your grandfather, shaunygirl, but it's just to illustrate the different way of people dealing with things) all because she didn't want to make me upset at the time!

9 · Petal said:

Oh God yes it all becomes a bit slushy pile of sentiment, doesn't it? But it's kind of nice...

My friend's grandfather snapped at her "Come on now, stop crying, you're grandmother wouldn't want to see you so upset." She said she wanted to reply "i think my grandmother wouldn't mind if i cried at her funeral because she DIED."

People eh? Funny animals.

10 · andrea said:

My condolences.

11 · Miss Mea-Mea said:

(Smirk)

You havea gift for the pathos/comedy post, Shauny. Yourmother and mine would be right at home together. Mine actually called me to complain that she was not invited to my stepsister's husband's brother's girlfriend's brother's funeral. Drama indeed!

12 · Stephanie said:

So sorry to hear about your Grandfather.
Even when we expect the inevitable, it's hard to close a chapter in our lives forever.
Take care, and I'm sure you won't be short of material following the family gatherings.

13 · Ben said:

....I'm starting to thing there is something a but odd about your mother. Still, she sounds more sane than mine (did I ever blog about her little speech about how trees have spirits and the Lord of the Rings?)

14 · mb said:

Not sure what to say, other than...you must never be bored in your life, dear Shauna.

15 · slack said:

Uhg.

Just wait untill we start exporting a piece of Sh*t show called "crossing over". Never mind 7th heaven and TBAA. The Mothership will never have the same relationship with her TV again.

take care

16 · anne said:

i'm sorry about your grandfather. and your mother...goodness, what a way with words!

17 · bailz said:

Hey, I'm sorry about your Grandfather. My grandfather died last monday, so I know what it's like.

18 · Janice said:

Glad to see you decided to keep this one up, Shauna. :) My west wishes to you and your family.

19 · megami said:

My grandma died a month ago. We were all very sad and upset, of course, but we found time to laugh our heads off. Because come on! All the relatives came to the funeral...I hadn't seen some of these people in years (they live so far), and most of my family generally like each other.

And you should have seen everyone trying to come up with new and creative ways to say that she was gone. No one wanted to say, "died."

Comments are now closed for this entry. You can always send an email instead!

about this entry

Long Distance Call was published on October 11, 2002.

Next Entry:
Put on your ranty pants!

Previous Entry:
Overcoming Writers Block

wnp

subscribe to wnp

skulking elsewhere

shauna reid my book?

Not just about fat. Also contains action, adventure, love and JOKES. OUT NOW!
-
About the book
- Where to buy
- Read the reviews
- Facebook: Go Dietgirl Go!
DG to go

historical kitty

recent & decent

olden & golden

categories

kitty litter

search for dirty words

now featuring

866 rambling entries and
14782 delightful comments


Bookarazzi!
Add to Technorati Favorites

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 License.


www.flickr.com