Did you know about the secret life of Shauny and Rhi? The life in which we are arse-kicking space pirates, with ample bosoms and witty dialogue, plundering our way across the cosmos to steal cubic zirconias?

The ever-so-clever Mattay has immortalised us thus in his brilliant comic, Cosmic Corsairs in the Cubic Conundrum. He created the whole thing in one day as part of a 24 Hour Challenge - 24 pages in 24 hours! Take that, NaNoWriMo-ers. Since then he's published it complete with glorious colour cover! The critics are raving, and you can buy it at the comic counter at Impact Records or from the man himself.

The other day Mattay was leaving a copy at the Paperie at Woden for a guy who works there.

"So you're the famous Mattay!" said the dude behind the counter.

As Mattay did his endearing modest smiling aw shucks thing, I couldn't resist pointing to the cover and blurting, "Hey! That's me!"

Counter Dude looked at the cover and looked at me then frowned. "It is?"

"Yes. IT IS."

Bah.

I wish I could live up to my comic form. But my hair is not that sassy. And that body? I would have to be chained to a treadmill and fed nothing but lettuce leaves for ten years to achieve such an alluring physique.

Also, our dialogue is not that zingy. Take Sunday night, as our two heroines sat on opposing couches, antsy and cranky from the horrible heat. Our positions had varied little for the entire weekend. So by Sunday we were going slightly batty.

Rhi was fumbling with a bottle of Sweet Chilli sauce on the coffee table. "You know, I would take great pleasure in just hurling this bottle at the wall and watching it ooze down."

"That would be cool."

"But guess what would be cooler? THIS!"

That was when she poured her glass of water over my head.

With that, our maturity level plummeted fifteen years. We spent the next hour punching and kicking and shoving and slapping. I finally called time out after being whacked on the head with a copy of Paul Clitheroe's Make Your Fortune By 40.

Later on, as I was talking on the phone, Rhi was perched on her couch eating a bowl of custard and peaches.

"Hey," she said, interrupting my conversation. "Hey. Hey." She poked my leg as I ignored her. "HEY. HEY!"

"WHAT?"

"Do you think it would be funny if I poured this bowl of custard over your head? I think it would be."

I assure you, the two-dimensional comic Shauny and Rhi are far more exciting, mature and classy. So get your copy while stocks last!