Greetings from Warsaw! We are having the most wonderful day, possibly one of the most rockin' days of the entire trip. I am not sure if it because of the friendly people, the great food and shopping; or the fact that we made it out of Russia in one piece. Russia was bloody amazing, but we stayed in some shady hotels and my diet has been quite dodgy so my gums hurt and my skin looks like a dog's breakfast.

Before we got here we were in Minsk. My prior knowledge of Minsk was limited to the Seinfeld episode about the movie called Rochelle Rochelle -- the unforgettable story of one woman's erotic journey from Milan to Minsk. I didn't have any erotic adventures in Minsk, except for the brief thrill I got from changing 10 euro into Belarussian rubles. 27000 rubles! Rich beyond my wildest dreams!

Yesterday we spent four hours on the Poland/Belarus border. Everyone whinged and moaned as we were trapped on the coach in 30 degree + heat. But we shut up pretty quick when we got to the other side and saw hundreds and hundreds of people queuing and did not have the luxury of air conditioning and Pringles.

The drive to Warsaw was green and full of storks. Their huge nests were plonked atop every power pole and chimney. I thought to myself, I must ask Witold about the storks. What's the deal with the storks, Witold? You'd know, right? Much in the same way that as an Australian, I know everything about kangaroos and beer. Mwahaha.

I wish we had more time in Poland. Everyone has been so friendly and helpful with a great sense of humour. We have been walking around all day saying, "Man, I LOVE Poland!", and that is not just when we saw the handsome army lads. In fact, everyone agrees that Poland has the highest percentage of attractive blokes out of the five countries seen thus far.

My head is still stuffed full of information and traces of vodka, there's so much to say, so much I've learned, so much to appreciate about life and people and blah blah blah. For example, just say you found someone who DOESN'T think it's a great idea to play two Dido album's back to back on a coach ride from Moscow to Yartsevo, you should thank your lucky stars and RUN to them and tell them you love and appreciate them because you are bloody lucky to have found them. Because sadly there are plenty of people who think this is a fabulous idea. Grrrrr.

Where do we go from here? Russia was the #1 place on my list of Things To Do Before I Cark It. What to do now? It's the most crazy scary beautiful wonderful place I've ever been and I go from being completely overwhelmed to just grinning grinning grinning.

I am getting better at reading Cyrillic. I decided to learn the Russian alphabet to pass the time at work, it really pays off when trying to navigate the bloody Metro. Except I stand there gawking up at the signs, lips moving very slooowly trying to sound out the words. I stuffed up in McDonalds today. I wanted a Quarter Pounder but could only make out the word CHEESEBURGER and it wasn't until the teenager behind the counter yelled at me that I realised that the word was ROYAL. I should have remembered that scene from Pulp Fiction.

I don't normally eat Macca's by the way. But sometimes you just want something familiar and easy.

Bloody hell kids, the things we've seen. The Kremlin, museums, gorgeous shops, more vodka, and Lenin. I've been wanting to see the dead guy in his tomb for so long and now I've done it. Now I can finally shut up about it! Bloody hell. I am so overwhelmed. I am going to bore you with stupid Russia stories for months and months when I get home. I am so overwhelmed I could just shed a wee tear right here.... oooo

It's Friday in St Petersburg, I think. It's all a blur. I've been bursting to go to Russia ever since we studied the revolutions in high school. It was one of those lofty dreams I had, so now I cannae believe I'm here, hen. Me the dork from Oz in Russia. HOLY CRAP!

We've seen the Hermitage, the Seige of Leningrad Memorial, a ballet, a bunch of crazy cossacks and many other places I can't remeber the names of. I've eaten some of the dodgiest food ever and went down a dodgy alley to a black market shop. Best of all, we hung out with some lovely Russians in a bowling alley and talked about koalas and cars.

Best of all is the vodka. I'd never had a shot of vodka before, but I loved it. Ice cold liquid that makes your face crumple at first but then POW, the most gorgeous heat bursts inside your ribcage and burns right down to your toes.

I wish I had time to write emails but I have two minutes left, so hope you're all well. I miss you and you and you and most of all YOU. Tomorrow we head to Moscow. До свидания!

I have to learn to be more aggressive. I booked 30 mins of internet time in this here Kirjakaapeli-Kabelboken Library thingy here in Helsinki, and just as I go to sit down this weirdo jumps in front of me and says he has to send an email and will NOT be moved and now I only have 18 minutes left and the library staff can't restart the clock. So this is it for a week or so.

Stockholm was rockin. The highlight for me was the Musik Museet, you get to play all these wacky instruments like hurdy gurdys and harps. And electronic drums, just like the 1980s. I felt like I was in Mike and the Mechanics or something.

Last night I turned into one of those obnoxious young things on a tour, just like I vowed never to be. We were on a big ol ship from Stockholm to Helsinki and I was off my face on wine and vodka and gin. After a drunken dinner I wandered up the promenade babbling away, somehow managing to lose everyone so spent the next hour going up and down elevators and getting rather worried and wandering into plants. Rhiannon finally rescued me. Next it was off to the karaoke bar and we did a cracking rendition of Dancing Queen. Nooo! Not karaoke! I don't want to be one of those silly young things on tour, WHAT HAVE I BECOME!!

I cannae find anything on this Finnish keyboard. Here have some squiggles ¤¤¤ÄÖÅ.

Best thing about these Scandinavian countries, they make you pay for plastic bags at the supermarket. They are not afraid to think about the future. Hurrah!

It's 6.14am here in Copenhagen, I had to get away from the snoring girl in our room. Imagine the sound of a vacuum cleaner, sucking large amounts of snot and saliva, in and out iiiin and ouuut. That's her unique brand of nocturnal noise.

Anyway, yesterday was brilliant. I will edit this when I get home with proper place names and photos, right now I am writing half asleep. We started the day off at the royal palace square thingy. Was just thinking it was a little dull when a swish black car zooms across the square. Who was at the wheel?

"It's MARY!" squealed an Aussie guy in our group. "It's Australia's Crown Princess Mary!"

Holy fuck it was. A dozen people swooped after her, yelling mary mary mary! I refused to run after her (that wasn't just due to laziness, really). I got one distant shot before shouting after everyone, "Leave her alone, you freaks! Don't chase princesses in cars! You all know what happened to Diana!"

People are still Mary mad here. Pubs have Danish and Aussie flags. Hundreds of people forked out 40 kroner to see her wedding dress on display (we did!). Locals have been even nicer to us when they hear our accent.

We checked out the resistance museum, sat in the park and couldnøt believe we left our sunscreen and glasses in the hostel. Did some window shopping, went to the museum of erotica. FINALLY i get to go to a museum of erotica. It was mostly informative and amusing, but then you get to this room with dozens of TVs playing pornos and realise you're the only tourist among many lonely men with slightly glazed expressions.

Next on to Tivoli http://www.tivoli.dk/composite-297.htm Where the hell is the thingies on this Danish keyboard? We strolled around watching kiddies throw tantrums and people screaming on roller coasters. Then we noticed large crowds gathered round the concert hall. Apparently it was the 70th birthday of the Queen's hubby. There were photographers prowling with lenses as big as the World's Biggest Penis i'd seen at the Erotica Museum.

Sure enough, Princess Mary and that gorgeous hunk of her Crown Prince hubby came walking along the gardens. I whipped out the camera and started filming. I have 20 seconds of papparazzi elbows, cheering kiddies and brief glimpses of the lovely couple. I chased her down the path like a true pro (but keeping a respectful distance, unlike some vultures), mostly getting my shoes. Then the Queen and her hubby arrived and everyone stopped chasing and clapped politely instead.

When we met up with our group later on, they had seen her after the concert, so they had beautiful close up magazineish shots of her waving. I fumed in a pot of envy until I realised my shitty video meant more to me than a perfect headshot, I'd captured glimpses of Mary's bewildered and slightly overwhelmed expression as the crowds went bezerk.

It was a rockin day, I can't believe I am finally on holiday. So this is why we worked those stupid 7 day weeks. Here are some squiggles on the Danish keyboard æ æ ø ø åå. Take care, groovers. Today we're off to Stockholm.

I'm going on holidays for a wee while. I'll pop in for brief bursts of drivel when possible. Meanwhile, everyone have a chat in the comments -- tell me where you're from and how life is treating you. Stay happy!

Last week the Dalai Lama made his third visit to Scotland.

Overheard on the bus by the friend of a friend:

OLD LADY 1: I heard there's some sort of cult coming to the toun.

OLD LADY 2: What cult?

OLD LADY 1: The Dalamas.

Maybe I didn't put enough words in the last entry, there was some confusion in the comments. I was just trying to say that the best souvenirs are most often tiny, everyday things that don't come from tourist shops. A crumpled Irn-Bru can feels more authentic to me than a toy Loch Ness Monster from the Royal Mile. The purchase of a plastic viking hat could not compare to the pathetic thrill of tearing a page from a phone book.

Check out the goodies that came back from the Romanian business trip! (Click for larger versions) It's an election year so Bucharest was slathered in campaign posters...

Including this sexy beast, Daniel Marian Vanghelie, he of the eyebrow scar and meaty fist. Does anyone in the house speak Romanian? From what I can gather, he's running for election in Sector 5.

And here Daniel's saying to the voters, Calm down, kids. Vote for me and I'll get everything under control. I own not one but two suits. Or maybe he's saying, I've wanted to be Mayor since I was this big.

Vote for Daniel. He's not afraid to roll up his sleeves and get down to the dirty business of politics.

And if you're still not convinced, why not vote for him on the grounds he's thoughtfully provided you with a Euro 2004 draw on the back of his flyer.

Now that's my idea of a quality souvenir.