Big Questions

What if everyone laughs at how white my legs are?

What if I spend so much time catching up on Aussie foods I've missed that I'm busting out of my clothes by the end of the trip?

What if I am so overcome with joy by the familiar sight of a plasticky Australian $5 note that I start licking it?

What if Gareth meets all my family and realises I've only been PRETENDING to be a bright, cheery, confident person; but realises he's actually married a sullen, bitchy, neurotic freak?

What if I accidentally keep starting sentences with "This one time, in Latvia/Iceland/Spain" and people rolls their eyes and think, OH GREAT another one of those wankers coming home from their precious travels and boring the CRAP out of us all!

What if I need to do a really big fart on the plane?

What if I am so out of touch with Australia after 2.5 years that real Aussies will scoff at me like I'm one of those awful expats who doesn't know a damn thing about Australia anymore like Germaine Greer or something? I mean, since when do the Sydney Swans make the AFL Grand Final?

What if Harry Potter isn't reporting for Ten News anymore?

What if I get there and realise I want to be in Scotland?

What if I get there and realise I never want to leave?

| | Posted in Globetrotting | Comments (16)

 

Comments

1 · shauny said:

i challenge anyone to find on Google a picture of Harry Potter The Channel Ten Reporter, as opposed to Harry Potter From The Books. I give up!

2 · Asta said:

What if it's just great?

3 · Ed said:

Oh deah oh dear, didn't you know Harry Potter from Channel 10 was just a made up character?

4 · random person said:

only one way to find out! (to all of that)

5 · Jaykay said:

You're getting excited aren't you??

I went through exactly the same when I first came back to Oz for a holiday. Think I'd been in the UK for 3 years, so it was long enough away from home to feel and see alot of differences.

Hope you have a fantastic time.

6 · Ted said:

I've never been one to shy away from a challenge, or give up once I've begun one...

But Harry Potter on google is just not going to happen. Two glasses of wine later I give up! But to answer your question, yes he is still on. Only just mind you, he had a health thing a little while back but is back on air now.

Go Swannies!

Cheer, Cheer, the Red and the White,
Honour the name, by day and by night;
Lift that noble banner high,
Shake down the thunder from the sky.
What though the odds be great, or small,
Swans will go in and win over all;
While her loyal sons are marching
Onward to Victory.

There's the team anthem for when they win tomorrow! hehe :-)

7 · Caz said:

Relax - Harry Potter is still on Channel 10 news. All is well with the world.

8 · Rosemary Grace said:

Ah, the traditional freakout of the expat about to visit home. I have it a little differently because as I was growing up in Scotland people who met me refused to believe I was a local because I had an English/US accent courtesy of my parents. So I'm completely used to being "not from around here" even if I am.

You missed one: what if Gareth falls in love with the country and never wants to leave?

My husband sure didn't want to leave Scotland.

9 · Dan said:

I tried, but audio of HP was the closest I could come:

http://www.abc.net.au/rn/arts/radioeye/crime/epis1.htm

10 · Jebus said:

No hope in Hell of finding a pic of him, I've tried it before :)

Unless you can find some video footage of him reporting...

11 · Monkeypants said:

What if you get here, look bloody awesome, are even funnier and funnerer than before (as if that's possible) and make us all love you even more?

12 · Richard said:

Based on experience, you should be able to fart away to your heart's content on board the plane. The background noise will cover any sound you make. And the air conditioning will quickly disperse the smell before anyone notices.

13 · Lizz said:

I think you should amend that footy question to since when do the sydney swans win the grand final. :)

Have muchos fun!

14 · Jebus said:

Since they became LEGENDS!

And if you fart on a plane, make sure you do it as you walk down the aisle, preferably up the other end.

15 · Gordon said:

Excellent questions.

Do let us know the answers...

16 · Luke said:

Ooh, monkeypants! I have lost touch...

So, miss S. Are youse two going to be hitting Sydney? I mean, there should certainly be some married/almost-married couple hang-outage happening...

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Big Questions was published on September 23, 2005.

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