Hello comrades! I'm on a train bound for Englandshire. WiFi on rails, baby! Although Harvey the iBook is struggling to cope. He's five years old now, would you believe; and the E key only works if you hammer the crap out of it. His battery doesn't work anymore and there's a bit of chocolate wedged under the O key that just won't budge. But I still love the little white fella. He's a survivor.

So Rhiannon the Magnificent has scored us another two free nights in an ultra posh hotel, this time in the English countryside. Holy escape from reality, Batman!

Unfortunately I've not accquired any class since our last five-star jaunt, so once again we'll be cringing at the sight of my skanky backpack being trundled to our room on a golden trolley. But there's plenty of room in it for all the "complimentary" toiletries, you see.

As a special bonus we get half-price spa treatments! I'm having my very first full body massage, some sort of scrub thingy and my very first manicure. I hope they don't make fun of the extra finger.

Anyway, if anyone is still out there I hope you're fine and dandy and apologies for the ongoing crapness. Hopefully my brain will return around... July. And please don't hate my guts for this luxurious jaunt; for on Saturday I'll be right back to my trackies and skank neighbours.