New York - Day Two

This afternoon we happened along past a bank surrounded by cops and yellow tape. Oh my heart leapt with joy and delicious anticipation, because surely just around the corner lurked Ice-T, wrestling some fella to the ground while grunting, “I got the perp, Chief.”

You know what, I am really pished right now. Drunk, steamin, trollied, etc. Another night of gooood food and wine and company. I am bubbling over with good feeling about the world so I am just going to keep tip-tap-typing while the good feeling persists then post this later.

It’s 2AM, 7AM back home. Gareth is fast asleep and looks positively angelic.

Today we walked down the road to Central Park in the rain and noted that New York squirrels are considerably leaner and more spritely than the Scottish squirrels doon the park near our house. They mustn’t be eating enough chips!

Then we spent the whole darn day in the Museum of Natural History. Delicately stuffed birds and human skulls from throughout the ages. It was overwhelming and exhilarating, just thinking about all the wacky species and history crammed into our wee blue planet. I had to have a sit-down like a little old lady, gawking up at the model of a blue whale.

The dinosaurs were excellent. I love that in this modern age of technology and special effects and tiny attention spans, people are still enthralled and humbled by dinosaur skeletons. I have a soft spot for the pterodactyls. I had this lever arch folder in high school, that’s binder to you Americans. The paper was peeling off and I couldn’t resist picking away at it over the term, until all that was left was an abstract, pterodactyl-ish shape. After that I was a bit pterodactyl obsessed and drew cartoons of them all the time, including once on the blackboard while the teacher was out of the room. He caught me with the chalk hovering mid-air and sent me outside. It was just weeks before our graduation. I stood outside the classroom; looking around the block at other bad kids who’d been sent out of other classrooms. They kicked the brick walls and looked sullen but I grinned like a dorkosaurus, wishing I hadn’t waited so long to do something stupid. It was that same juvenile giddiness in the Hall o’ Dinosaurs today, being somewhere you never thought you’d be.

New York - Day One

Last night as the airport shuttle bus pootled endlessly through Manhattan, the couple o’ Brits sitting behind us has had already formed their verdict of the city. “Can’t say my first impressions are good,” sniffed Missus, “Nothing special is it?”

“No,” said Mister, “And they make it look good on the telly too.”

“Why is this bus taking so long!” Missus shrieked suddenly, “I want to go home! I want to go home!”

Well I want you to go home too! I longed to say, But how about I chuck you under a taxi instead?

Yes, the shuttle took ages but that was all part of the charm. I was having a great old time just peering out the window at all the people and pizzas and cops and stupidly famous buildings and crazy car parks where they rack up the vehicles on top of each other like wine. I saw some great signs too, with excellent fonts. Oh yes… few things thrill me more than quality typography.

So Gareth and I had juuuust checked into the hotel and were idly debating Who Was The Most Stinky after eight hours in the air when the phone rang.

“There’s somebody here to see you,” said the receptionist, “His name is W something?”

It was Witold! Only the one of the most wonderful humans in the universe. After so many years of blogstalking and friendship I’d always planned to be… you know, WASHED… should we ever meet, but now he’d spontaneously dropped by after work to whisk us away into his lovely rainy city. So what could you do but follow, in your grotty unkempt way.

He was like our Mary Poppins, amazingly kind and generous and mega thoughtful.

Except he was a bloke.

And wasn’t prone to bursting into song.

And he dished out MetroCards instead of spoonfuls of sugar.

And there was a subway instead of a chalk drawing.

And it was New York, not London.

BUT HE DID HAVE AN UMBRELLA.

So we trailed after him adoringly and hey presto, five minutes later we were in the middle of Times Square, gawking at neon and getting sprayed by taxi puddles.

Then he took us to a Japanese restaurant, the first place he went to when he landed here over a decade ago, so all the restaurant guys lit up when he walked in. The sushi was deeeelicious. The three of us polished off a bottle of sake. It tasted so clean and clear like essence of noble Japanese mountains or something.

So it was a great start to our trip and when I drifted off to sleep with a pounding head, I scrawled blog entries in the scratchpad of the brain, trying to describe that giddy feeling when you’ve imagined something in your head for years and the reality is a thousand times more brilliant; better than the telly, better than the internets.

NB: Am blogging this a day later while drunk again and it’s 5.36AM back in Scotchland. Scuse t=ypos!

Thanks everyone for all the rockin’ comments lately, whether it be New York tips, computer expertise or book-related kindness. Now here, have a Mutant Cookie!

When I walked through the door after work on Monday I was smacked in the gob by a wonderfully melty chocolate smell - Gareth had been baking! What a gem. He said he didn’t space the cookies out on the tray so they turned into a conjoined megacookie (cf my megaAnzacs of 2005!) but they were heavenly. Crunchy on the outside, chewy in the middle; just the way I likes ‘em.

Anyway… thanks again everyone for your supreme helpfulness. Now I’ve got to blast the cobwebs off this blog. I was running around like a mad chook last week with New Job Freakouts and deadline angst but I’m determined this one is going to be Calm The Hell Down Week. Hope you have a goodun, too.

This entry is partially to move The Book stuff down the page and ease the pangs of self-consciousness but also a wee call for advice. Harvey, my beloved 5.5 year old iBook has finally died. Properly this time. He’s not responding to medical treatment. I gave him to Rhiannon earlier this year so she could work on computer things at home and just when she was getting her head around all the Mac keyboard shortcuts he’s snuffed it!

So now I’m determined to help her find an affordable alternative. I’m thinking PC, since Rhi’s not rolling in dough. We’d only need a very basic model - she’s not a sad nerdypants like her big sister. She just needs a place to keep her modest music collection and do a bit of casual web surfing and word processing. I’ve not been in the market for a laptop for ages and have no idea where to go. Dell? PC World? Ebay? 2nd hand? What do you guys recommend? Any ideas gratefully received :)

I changed my name when I got married, not only because it sounded like a clapped-out country and western singer, but so I might write a book and be able to hand it to people and say, "Shauna Reid my book?"

I don't know if that works with non-Aussie or Scottish accents, but when my friend Alex pointed it out to me I thought it was a tops joke. Now I'm finally about to put it to good use. I've written a book! And it's being published on 1 January 2008!

It's a memoir about my lard-busting adventures. A fatoir, if you will. But don't let you put that off! The crazy weight loss is just one aspect of the story. As always I attempt to endear myself to as many demographics as possible. Hehehe. Check out the wacky cartoon likeness on the cover!

WARNING: Rack of cartoon may be more impressive than rack of author.

There are a million reasons for the secret squirrel behaviour since The Deal went down over a year ago, including worrying I'd bore everyone to death with my deadline hysteria, fretting about being a show-off, and feeling convinced it would never actually happen and I'd be mown down by a bus if I dared squeak up. I have a bad habit of doing this, like staying mum re Gareth until we'd been together for a year and I felt sure it wasn't all an elaborate practical joke. But now the book is all written and edited and proofed and finally seems real... you can even pre-order it on Amazon UK! (Ooh that's subtle)

I've rattled on in a wee bit more detail on Dietgirl, including some totally unbiased reviews. There's also a Facebook group if you'd like to join for the latest news and to and help spread the word!

I just wanted to say thank you to all you groovy groovers; for your encouragement and kindness and friendship and hilariousness. Thanks particularly for sticking around this past year when I've been a neglectful stress monkey. It really means the world.

Dr G perusing the proof.

How the hell did it get to be October? Gareth and I are going to New York City at the end of this month for a little holiday. We booked the flights way back in March and I’d almost forgotten about it, this year has been so mental. But now it’s almost here and the Time Out guide I bought six months ago is gathering dust and we’ve done no planning at all, save for getting some hockey tickets.

Two years ago your suggestions were invaluable for our Return to Oz tour, so forgive me for picking your brains again. What’s good to see in NYC? What’s essential viewing and what is highly overrated? Is it chilly towards the end of the month? And most importantly, perhaps… what’s good to eat and where do you get it? :)

So I’m all Big Kev excited about the news that Radiohead’s new album is coming out in ten teeny little days. I love their stealth tactics too, bypassing the record companies and avoiding the usual leaked copy hoopla by offering the album for download on their website, with the downloadee deciding how much to pay.

My only worry is what’s going to happen on the big day when everyone is trying to collect their copy? HOW MANY SERVERS HAVE THEY GOT AND ARE THEY MADE OF CAST IRON AND SELLOTAPE because I remember last year I spent seven sad little fangirl hours trying to buy presale concert tickets on their website to no avail. It struggled and stuttered like a herd of constipated cows, as if shocked by the surge in popularity. Already today its been difficult to access, with lovely Jonny posting another message en blog to say, “it’s getting busy in there - busier than they expected.”

Arrgh! Fellas! Will you ever learn? EXPECT A FEW VISITORS! Stock up the fridge! Borrow some spare chairs from your nanna’s house! YOU’RE POPULAR DARNIT!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!

In other news, I start a new job tomorrow, doing web stuff. For the first time in 4.5 years my work won’t involve typing letters and making appalling cups of instant coffee. I’m absolutely shitscared, especially considering my recent display of skill and flair with the blog upgrade. Pray for me!