We were sailing on the sea of shops in London and spotted our albatross - How To Look Good Naked host Gok Wan sipping coffee in Cafe Nero.

I would have touched him for good luck but my hands were already full of shopping bags. Some silly stuff like Batman undies but also useful stuff like a non-brown dress to wear to a wedding in July. I argued with Rhiannon and Margaret that it made me look like a flower pot but caved in the end as it was half price and I couldn’t be arsed trying on more dresses.

I’m still useless with clothes. I spent all my teens and much of my twenties being very large and depressed in my uniform of jeans and billowing tops. As I got smaller I just kept buying the same thing in decreasing sizes. Then I spent much of last year writing a book in my pajamas. Now back in the real world, I always seem to look conservative and… brown. I’ve wasted so much of my youth - I want to have some fun with clothes before it’s time for rayon slacks and eau de mothball.

To kickstart this process, style muffins Rhiannon and Margaret kindly volunteered to come shopping. It was a very generous thing to do, given my tendency to give up if a garment gets more complicated than a drawstring waist. But there was just one minor hissyfit, when they made me try on a pair of patent stilettos. The salesladies kept hovering and asking WHY did I refuse the patent stilettos and I finally snapped, “BECAUSE THEY LOOK CHEAP AND SLUTTY”

“Woohoo!” Margaret crowed, “We made her break down! This is totally our Trinny and Susannah moment!”

It was a truly cracking day; one of those ones where you remember how good it is to be a lady and hang out with your fellow ladies. Thank you thank you thank you.

Rhi and Margaret cleverly pre-empted my usual shopping apathy by laying down these Rules first thing in the morning. Click the pic for a more readable version!

Some people get the blues, Holly Golightly got the mean reds. I think I have the browns!

I’ve been splashing round in denial for months but today I am just going to admit to myself that things have gone a bit brown. Brown is not all bad, you know. It’s a nice hue for those with ginger hair and brown eyes. But it also the colour of shit.

So. I have this wee list of things - job husband family friends authoring health sanity hundreds of strangers who write and ask me how to fix their lives - and I’m screwing it all up. Sometimes my priorities have been completely wrong. Despite my lists! Why put “send Mothership text message” on a list? It would be quicker to send the text, DICKHEAD!

Anyway I am just about to put on my brown boots and my brown hoodie then head to London on the sleeper train and write things down that aren’t lists. Sorting out the rubbish in my head instead of ignoring it. Just in London for a day - hitting the shops with Rhiannon and our mate Margaret. I’ve been too lazy to buy new clothes for a couple of years and I’m tired of looking boring. And BROWN!